Smiles come more often than tears when I think of my Dad.

It’s been 11 years since he died unexpectedly. Dad used to cut our grass. He and Rick split the task. Dad would cut the grass on both properties and Rick would trim. Dad always complained about the low branches on our apple tree and how he had to duck down on the mower. Three years after Dad died those lower branches didn’t have leaves on them so Rick trimmed up the tree. As we enjoy our deck each summer, and I look at the apple tree, I think of Dad and smile.

Grief and loss is something that comes more often as people age. Retirement brings the loss of a job and status, even when the decision to retire was fully embraced. Friends, family and partners die and life must go on without them.

In this column I often cover diminished mobility and ones’ reaction to it – either stay at home or use the assistive devices that ensure safety as one continues to live with reduced activity levels.

A wise friend told me that “grief is work and people have to do the work and get through the grief, one can never get over a loss, only through it.” This person spent his life helping others with their grief work even while being no stranger to loss in his own life.

I recently found myself saying “grief is work and people do it differently” to a newly grieving person.

Yesterday was August 2nd, Dad’s birthday. Most years since his death I’ve taken a vacation day to spend with my Mom. So how do you set about doing this work of grief? For everyone the work will need to be done differently, some working through it alone and others in the company of supportive friends and family.

The staff at Community Care are familiar with this and you can make an appointment to speak to one of them (call 613-476-7493). Hospice Prince Edward offers individual support and also runs grief support groups. Call this organization at 613-645-4040 and read about their programs at www.hospiceprinceedward.ca .

The Prince Edward County Library Branches have a good collection of books and resources available for loan. Stop in at any Branch to see what they have. The Library staff are most willing to help find a resource that will work for you and your needs and situation. Seniors who need books delivered, need only ask, and that can be arranged.

Where you are on a journey of grief, and why you’re on the journey, isn’t as important as making the decision to do the work so that you can move ahead with your life. The grief one feels from the loss of a person, a pet, a job, a driver’s licence, a home or ones’ health can have a huge impact on your life. Feelings of loss can emerge at any time. This is part of the journey of grief that each of us takes in our life.

My personal journey of mourning the loss of my Dad has been one of many tears. With one step ahead of the other and one day at a time it becomes easier. Just a bit easier. When I think of him the tears often do flow because we can’t talk anymore and we can’t laugh together like we used to. He can no longer complain about the low branches on the apple tree. And then I smile as I think of the best Dad ever.

My wish for you is that someday soon there are more smiles than tears on your journey through grief.

-Debbie MacDonald Moynes