Just before Christmas last year, last year, Crofton’s Gord Moran stopped by the Picton Gazette office.

A retired high school teacher, Mr. Moran was hoping the Gazette could write a story about his newly published memoir, Neither a Tomato Nor A Brain. Mr. Moran had turned to writing to cheer himself up after an almost year-long hospital stay. 

He hoped to provide a complimentary copy to every student he had taught in the last 30 years. He presented our office administrator, Karen Gyde, an Ontario Business College grad and former student, with a complimentary copy. By his estimate, between St. Theresa’s, St. Paul’s and the Business College, Mr. Moran taught some 4,000 students — so had only 3,999 more copies to hand out.

Shortly after this visit, Mr. Moran turned his attention to the Canada-U.S. trade war. Using Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive as a base, he and life-long friend Wayne McFaul collaborated on the lyrics to a new song, We Will Survive Canada USA. Sonya Zaback belts out the lyrics in a professional sound recording arranged by Mr. McFaul. That recording is going the County version of viral. 

Played on the local airwaves, including 99.3 CountyFM, and available on YouTube, the song is has over a million listens.

We Will Survive
At first, we were afraid, we were petrified
Kept thinking we could never live without you by our side
And we spent so many nights thinking how you did us wrong
Now we’ve banded all together, your tariff made us strong
And so you know , you’re not so great
There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell we’ll be your 51st state
We should have told you this before
You don’t believe this but it is true
You really need our resources, far more than we need you
So now just go, walk out the door
We do not need you
You’re not welcome anymore
Weren’t you the one who instigated these trade fights
You’ll soon grow to regret it, when we turn out your lights
Canada, we will survive
As long as we can think and work, we know we’ll stay alive
We have all we really need; we can live without your greed
We will survive; we will survive
There’s been a change, it’s time you knew
We’re not that fledgling little country still in awe of you
We are now a nation proud, that is happy to be free
You didn’t realize you gave us, our own identity
So now just go, we will survive

Listen here. Now up to 1.1 million views.

Not long after We Will Survive hit the airwaves, Mr. Moran passed away at his home on Burr Road. He was 75. Mr. McFaul’s son, Jesse McFaul, who arranged the video version on YouTube, noted his family’s longtime friend did get to hear the brilliant vocals, and was delighted.

Legendary Career 

Mr. Moran devoted his life to teaching and was one of the most beloved educators at St. Theresa Catholic Secondary School. 

His memoirs are full of the wit that kept his students engaged for three decades. His life’s misadventures, the pros and cons of the education system, and the slices of life that come with teaching over 4,000 students for 30 years keep his book full of interest.

“The cost of the book to anyone I taught is free. The only thing I ask is that the student passes me the name of another classmate so I can give them a free book,” Mr. Moran said. “I plan to give away 4,000 books if I can find them all.”

Neither a Tomato Nor A Brain was a catharsis for the Burr Road resident. About a decade into his retirement, 2023 turned out to be a pretty bad year. Mr. Moran spent most of it in Kingston General Hospital with a bleeding bladder. He underwent a blood transfusion and a heart valve replacement.

He came home with a clean bill of health — but depressed. To those who knew him as the irrepressible and enthusiastic teacher Mr. Moran, that seemed impossible.

One morning, his life-long best friend of 70 years, also Mr. Moran’s neighbour, Wayne McFaul, said, over their daily coffee on Mr. Moran’s back deck, that the retiree needed to do something.

“We always tell these funny stories over coffee, and Wayne said I should start writing them down. I started with 30 pages and it all really started to flow,” said Mr. Moran.

Tales of early days, living in Crofton and attending its one-room school house, and a hilarious yarn about a young Mr. Moran trying to impress a female classmate — only to tumble off a ladder into a tub of hot tar — fill the early chapters.

It’s Friday!

For students, the meat of the matter is towards the end of the book, where Mr. Moran remembers how his trademark weekly send off was born.

When St. Theresa’s secondary school first opened in 1998, some parts were missing.

“It was a disaster of an opening week,” Mr. Moran recalled. “We were missing desks, the phones didn’t work. It was just awful.”

Taking on the morning announcements on Friday, Mr. Moran couldn’t help sighing out a long “Thank God it’s Friday” over the loudspeaker. Although the part of thanking the Almighty got the heave ho, a tradition was born.

Every Friday for 16 years, Mr. Moran would greet the St. Theresa Titans over the morning announcements with “IT’S FRIDAY!”

The Friday morning announcements soon took on a life of their own. One week he was the Easter Bunny. The next, he threw a television set off the school roof. Another week, he was a tribesman, chasing Indiana Jones through the halls for stealing his favourite coffee mug.

The ultimate “It’s Friday” announcement came when he was hauled away in an ambulance after announcing the end of the work week — having “lost what marbles I had left.”

“Former students still come up to me and tell me it was the greatest morning announcement of all time,” Mr. Moran said with a laugh. 

Neither a Tomato Nor A Brain is available at Books & Company, Chapters, and Printcraft.